Oct. 25, 2005

1. I want to meet some people who don't gasp when I say "homo" or "Blackie McGee."

2. I've attached the itinerary so you can see how scary it is. They forgot the tea with Mussolini and drinks with DeLay.

3. Mizzou collapsed like it was a preseason workout.

4. That's like saying, "I know you support Condi Rice for 2008, but we can't always have a black woman in the White House."

5. Now I know that he must know I'm crazy. If he doesn't know that after five years, then he's blind. Or the guy from "Memento."

6. Just because I have boobs and I'm attractive doesn't mean I can't copy edit in sports, ya know?

7. I said, "Matt thinks you're going to be the first Yale graduate in the NASCAR infield." His reply: "I'm going to be the first Jew, too."

8. Hope you have a great day, uh, decking your ledes. (Sorry, don't know your lingo.)

9. Lockjaw is probably a good diet aid.

10. The Joint Chiefs of Staff are ALWAYS ruining my morning. Just once I'd like to be able to come home late and expect to catch up on lost sleep without a breathless morning call regarding the Pentagon.

11. This is why I'm in magazines: so that I can watch "Law and Order" and talk to you on the Internet at the same time instead of tearing my eyelashes out trying to sniff out a landline in some high school gym.

12. To think, I almost got to sleep with someone who went to a Jenny 8 party. Then I just slept with you.

13. I have many military skills. For example, I can retreat with the best of them. Also, I can grunt. Plus, my car is secretly a F-18 fighter jet (with a bum transmission and a missing hubcap). And, most importantly of all, I'm able to say "I will pay you for sex" in at least 34 languages.

14. Was it me, or did the lunch get a little more corporate when he showed up? Well, as corporate as pulled pork can get.

15. I just accidentally printed your last e-mail, which contained 5011 back-and-forths. I found the paper copy and am now eating it.

16. It's worth having much less intelligence as a man to have the ability to write cursive with urine.

17. The logic there seems a little like any plan on anything from the White House; it's like "If A then B, therefore if A then 2+2=5."

posted by Amy F. permalink