Dec. 24, 2004

Special holiday edition*

1. Of course I'm 21, people! I graduated from college! If I were one of those geniuses who graduated from college when I was 19 or something, I would be in biomedical engineering, not journalism!

2. I feel a little bad that I went behind his back to get this info, but only a little.

3. Congrats on the job and not being pregnant. Of course, unless you wanted to be pregnant, in which case you have my deepest sympathy.

4. I've been thinking for the past hour on how to convince my parents we need the more expensive TiVo options.

5. We are on for a phone date later this week. I just hope my imaginary boyfriend Johnny Football Hero doesn't feel as though I'm cheating on him with you.

6. I just about strained a muscle trying to hit the delete button as fast as I could when I saw that.

7. Hi, I'm a journalist, but I can't get anything fucking right.

8. The kids at KCOU probably LOVE reading his stuff. That is, the kids who know how to read.

9. I watched two episodes of The OC and I feel better now.

10. This is by far the best thing I've ever read. And yes, Pat, that includes the work of David Sedaris.

11. She must have missed the Ms. Manners column about how to write professionally and tactfully about taking a crap on the floor.

12. Even if you spent $1 million on her, she'd still be a bitch. Might as well not waste your money.

13. Hope they cook those fingers well before putting them in the sandwiches — health and all, y'know.

14. Sorry this e-mail is uncharacteristically pensive. I promise I can be more shallow in other e-mails.

15. This just in: Trump will dump on TV viewers a new spin-off inspired by The Fragrance's hetero-homo conceit: "Queer Eye for the Loathsome Balding Capitalist Pig."

16. I'm secretly in love with the Sprint man. Only not so secret now, I guess.

17. Just because one can write well doesn't mean one isn't pure evil. Look at Karl Rove, for instance.

18. FUCK YOU FISCUS

(see below)















FUCK YOU FISCUS (sucker)

*OK, so there's nothing holiday about it. It's not like I was going to write an epic poem for the occasion.

posted by Amy F. permalink